3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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