My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
