update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
