I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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