you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
