does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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