mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She even gives head with a lisp.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
