I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
