a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
