it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
