i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
