i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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