You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
