that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
