So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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