At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
