Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
