Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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