Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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