I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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