So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
