There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
