shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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