Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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