Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize