Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
