Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
