Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
