wat bout pragnant strippers??
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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