You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize