i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
