I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
