the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
