If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
