You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
