i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I didn't notice because vodka
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
