Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
