Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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