I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
