how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need to calm my uterus...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
