dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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