PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
