white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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