lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
