and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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