too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
