If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
