i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
