I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize