this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
