awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
