Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
