mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
