my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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