I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
