Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize