dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
