lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
