i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
