He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
