at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
