Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
