That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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