Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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