well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
