She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
